My tongue and I have some issues. It's gotten me into trouble multiple times, and, paired up with my wonderful inherited German temperament, can be catastrophic.
I remember I'd been working on maintenance a grand total of about 48 hours, so I was literally, the team's newbie. Everything was difficult and confusing and I took my own sweet time on going about my duties. I would accidentally use a sink rag on the toilet, realize my mistake, and have to re-clean the toilet, and toss the sink rag. Or even worse, I used the wrong chemical on the door windows, cleaned all of the windows in the Atrium, and then realize my mistake. NABC is horrible to wash off of glass. Horrible.
I was still pretty new at the whole "cleaning lady" gig, and I was in the Atrium mop closet attempting to dump out my mop water into the drain. However, I didn't realize that the mop bucket came in two parts... Irritation one. Secondly, because I didn't know of the bucket's design, dumping the bucket was insanely difficult to carry out. Irritation two.
So, I'm really stubborn. The girl I was cleaning the bathrooms with was just over in the next bathroom. I could have easily walked into the room and asked for help. But, I was the newbie. And I was sick of asking questions. I hate asking questions pertaining on the "how to" of something. Case in point, I didn't ask for any help.
I'm not especially technology, puzzle, or mechanics inclined, so changing tires, "brain teasers", and computers are the bane of my existence. This mop bucket was a simplified gadget. Rather than bother in learning about it, I gave up all hope, picked it up, and tried to dump the bucket.
I don't know if you've mopped a public bathroom before, but mop water is nasty. Especially when it's dumped on your new shoes, the floor of the closet, and kind of on the carpet. Of your new job.
I was standing in three inches of water in a 4'x6' closet.
I was thoroughly upset, and in the process yelled a really inappropriate word really loudly, for all of the people sitting in the atrium to hear.
I work in a church, just to reiterate.
So I wondered, if the words of my mouth are an outpouring of my heart, what does this say of my heart?
When the first words out of my mouth when I overreact are inappropriate, is it just a reflection of over assimilation into culture, or are there some deeper issues?
One thing I've discovered since this happened last year is that I overreact with everything. Teeny details derail me, and, until they are fixed, my focus is distracted, and irritated. When irritated, I react in the way I've experienced with other people: lashing out irrationally and harsh words.
So, I've realized that my reactions don't have to be based on what I've encountered previously. It's safe to underreact to the little things. Or not even react at all.
I've spilled the mop twice since then, and each time laughed it off rather than spewing expletives in the church's main area. Still, my tongue is nowhere near being "tamed", as Nate described this morning. However, it is inexcusable.
My tongue is my greatest struggle, as it is for most of my family and extended family, so I don't expect the problem to go away overnight. But, if intentionally I work on it, I believe that it will.
It's easy to say one thing here, but actually doing it is another story. I'm hopeful that I can actually carry this "project" out until completion. We'll see.